Many guys have asked me “how to approach women”. Well, after looking at this topic for a while, I have decided to make a comprehensive list of the top things NOT to do so you will know how to approach women the right way – by avoiding these common mistakes!
Just remember, when you talk to women you want to display attractiveness and higher social status. You can convey these traits, not by wearing expensive watches or buying her drinks, but rather displaying your personality to her in a way that makes her realize that you are an alpha guy. Thus, you need to be confident, smooth, not let things phase you and don’t worry too much about the outcome.
Top 10 mistakes guys make who do not know how to approach women:
- Giving her a lame compliment - by opening her with something like “you’re so beautiful, can I take you out sometime?”. You are immediately conveying lower status, because you are the one that wants to buy her approval. I’m not saying don’t give compliments, but you need to pepper it within the conversation about things you notice about her apart from her physical appearance.
- Immediately doing her a favor when she has done nothing to earn it – This is when a guy buys a girl a drink for no apparent reason. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink. What does this do? He shows to the girl that he is trying to impress her with money and is supplicating immediately to her. Thus lowering his own status.
- He approaches in a way that scares her or talks to too quietly - This shows to her you are afraid of letting her know you are there. Do not come up from behind when you approach her, instead let her know you are walking up to her. Also, when you talk to her, make sure she hears you.
- Giving little eye contact – Many guys are afraid to look at a women in the eye when he is talking to her. A man who looks straight into the women’s eyes tells her that he is a high status male, he knows what he is doing and he is very confident. This is attractive. Looking elsewhere when attempting to approach her is not.
- Being “the drunk guy” – Women do not appreciate being just hit on by “the drunk guy” because you show her you are not confident enough to talk to her without being boozed up with alcohol. No confidence equates to being a lower status male and this is not attractive.
- Not being able to create a presence - when a man approaches a women, he needs to let her know he is there, and create a presence. Owning your own space and acquiescing to others spatially lets her know that you are not comfortable being there. If you’re not comfortable you’re not confident, and you are not attractive. This is not how to approach women. Instead, you should be holding yourself in an accommodating position where you are relaxed with a confident pose, especially if there are other guys around.
- He is trying too hard to say the right thing - This comes down to the fact that many men are goal orientated when they meet women. The focus is not to get anything from her but rather just enjoy the interaction between you two. If you can do this then the pressure of performance is lifted and you will pass the female screening test for men. Because, you are not out to get something from her.
- He ignores her friends – Remember, friends to a women are very important. Thus, if you ignore her friends, your intentions will be obvious and you will be perceived as that guy who is obviously trying to hit on her and being rude to her friends. This is not attractive and does not help. Further, you’ll look antisocial and seem as if you have no social intelligence. You will make the whole situation seem awkward and weird.
- Asking for the number too soon – The interaction should be fun and amusing for both of you. If you are there just to get her number, then you have an agenda thus you will be putting the interaction in a box. Things will not be able to move smoothly and it will kill any rapport that you had. Some guys think of getting her phone number as a reward to give her. If she is cool enough then you want to hang out with her. Not the other way around. Thus, you should only ask for her number if you are comfortable with her, and don’t make it too soon so it would be obvious. Just another note. Please do not walk away immediately after you get her number, this will make you seem like a player and you were genuinely not interested.
- Not initiating flirting - Unless you want to be categorized as a friend only, you don’t want to be the guy who does no flirting. Flirting in itself creates attraction. Without flirting then there is also really no point in approaching! Read the article on flirting with women to learn about it.
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